I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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