so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
