i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
