nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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