Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You are the jesus of drinking
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
