I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
