I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
