I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
