Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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