Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
