"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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