I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
