You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
