You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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