My nipple is on Facebook.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
