Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
