Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were trust falling into bushes
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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