If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
