You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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