why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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