I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
