you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
