I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
