cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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