I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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