You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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