Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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