just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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