do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
did you just send me my own nude
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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