I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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