She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
