i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
