You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
