Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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