You smell like stripper and shame
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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