happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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