i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
