walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
