I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
