Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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