i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
