Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Say something about gay babies.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
