you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
