I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
