so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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