I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
People in love make me want to vomit
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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