I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
