I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
