stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
