David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
