The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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