The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
