Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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