If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
