I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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