if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
