Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
