So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
