Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
