Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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