Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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