This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
