All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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