i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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