Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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