Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
