P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize