My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
