Got a toothbrush?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
