I have demons in me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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