my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
