I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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