Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
