Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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