So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
