Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
