I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
