PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
