the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
