I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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