I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
