does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
