I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
