Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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