phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
