Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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