I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
