Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
